


At least five of the following criteria

by whitchry9



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5097653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitchry9/pseuds/whitchry9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony knows what it is, probably. He just doesn't want to admit it or face it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At least five of the following criteria

Difficulty falling or staying sleep.

 

The insomnia could be attributed to a number of other factors. And that's what Tony did. He blamed the coffee, he blamed the ideas, he blamed the nightmares, he blamed the sporadic invasions of aliens with six legs that looked an awful lot like insects.

He basically blamed everything except for the root cause.

But he kept telling himself that he couldn't know that. First he had to eliminate everything else in order to know it was true.

And there were just so many possibilities that he'd never get there.

 

* * *

 

Thoughts of worthlessness or extreme guilt.

 

Tony was very good at feeling guilty. Hell, if there was a contest, he would probably win. The only serious competition would be Steve, and that was only because the guy was Catholic, and guilt was kind of their thing.

Plus, Steve liked to blame himself for everything that happened in the years he was in the ice, despite the fact that he couldn't do anything to stop it.

But that wasn't Tony's point. Tony's point was that he was fan-fucking-tastic at being guilty. Because he deserved it.

All those years, all those lives, all those people who had died because of him, because of the company that bore his name, because of his weapon designs, because he wasn't the one overseeing distributions, because most of the time he was too drunk to even point to Gulmira on a map, let alone know that there were families and lives being torn apart there because of him. So of course he felt guilty. Because it took a literal bomb in his face to make him realize that there was shit going down that wasn't okay. And it was only because of his second chance that he even got the opportunity to try and right all those wrongs.

 

And if he couldn't atone for that, then yeah, he was pretty damn worthless.

 

* * *

 

Behaviour that is agitated or slowed down. Others should be able to observe this.

 

He ignored Pepper when she said it. After all, what did she know? She'd only been his PA for how many years before becoming the CEO, then his girlfriend, then... whatever the hell they were now?

So when she said he seemed... jumpy was the word she'd used, Tony had dismissed it. Too much coffee, too many ideas, not enough sleep.

 

And when Steve noted that he seemed on edge, he dismissed that as well. The man was just too chill (oh god, accidental Capsicle pun) and he didn't understand what was happening in Tony's mind all the time.

Natasha and Clint and Bruce all commented on it, at one point or another, about how he seemed unsettled or upset, even borderline angry. He wanted to scream at them, because they didn't understand. Without the work he had nothing and if he couldn't do the work then he was no use to them and there was no point keeping him around, and the argument spun around and around and around in his head until it threatened to come screaming out of his mouth.

 

He dismissed them without getting too angry about their accusations, because that would only prove them right.

 

* * *

 

Ability to think, concentrate, or make decisions is reduced.

 

“I'm going to engage with the alpha bug, or whatever the hell it is. Thor and Steve, flank it and take it out while it's distracted.”

“Tony,” Steve started. “That's a terrible idea.”

“Too late,” Tony said through gritted teeth, already diving towards it.

 

They win, and Tony makes it out largely unscathed, but he gets a lecture later about taking stupid risks and how his judgment is impaired.

 

Tony largely didn't listen, already planning updates for his next suit that he's having a hard time keeping straight in his mind, and Steve's nattering did not help.

 

* * *

 

Depressed mood.

 

Tony skips movie night. Tony skips movie night and pizza and popcorn because he just doesn't see the point in watching a movie. The plots are predictable and boring.

Plus, it's Clint's turn to pick a movie, and Tony knows he's aiming for a rom-com, and Tony can't sit through that right now and fake laughter at the appropriate times, paste a smile on his face and look like he's enjoying himself. And of course the team would take it the wrong way, thinking they were to blame, when really, it was just Tony.

So he skipped movie night, and the next week, and the week after that, and...

 

* * *

 

A significantly reduced level of interest or pleasure in most or all activities.

 

For all Tony loved being Iron Man, some days, saving the world was just such a chore. And yeah, maybe he'd been doing it too long if he was bored of having to defend it against aliens or robots or whatever the hell the pseudo mad scientist of the week decided to throw at them.

And he knew that it was always important. That it always matter. Because there were always lives on the line. What they did was never risk free.

But he used to enjoy the challenge. He used to love rocketing up into the sky, having his vision nearly black out because of the gravitational force. He loved winning and helping the people and saving the world.

But lately, it just felt like so much more of a chore, and that scared him.

 

* * *

 

Frequent thoughts of death or suicide, or attempt of suicide.

 

Tony wouldn't call what he'd done a suicide attempt. He'd call it being a hero, even if it meant sacrificing himself to save others.

But it sure as hell felt like disappointment when he woke up on the broken pavement in New York.

And he was afraid to think what that meant.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This has been on my computer for a while, and I finally got around to finishing it, in what was my great fic finish up of... 2015. (I apparently don't know what year it is. And I only finished like 3 fics, so.)
> 
> I just really like writing depressed Avengers, apparently.


End file.
